
I found some of my elementary school report cards today while cleaning. That was definitely a squirrel in my plan to not get distracted!
The last time I looked at these was when my Mom passed and we were clearing out her home. Back then I only looked at the grades which were just S for satisfactory, S+ for a little better than satisfactory and O for outstanding. I remember thinking that I hadn't gotten as many Os as I had wished. Lol.
This time I read the teacher's comments, even the faded ones that were barely legible. I could see the kindness and care they took to be encouraging and to sprinkle in compliments wherever they could. The word delightful made me smile. But a few of their notes hit me me hard:
- Kelly wants so badly to do her best..
- Kelly tries very hard
- Kelly could use more self esteem about her abilities
- Kelly often needs reassurance that she is doing things right
Gah!! That was all written about 5-9 year old me. I was already striving, trying desperately to not be inadequate or disappoint others or maybe to live up to the example of my 4 older smarty pants sisters.
It's so sad to me that my silly, sweet little self was so focused on grades that she didn't realize her true gifts. By most standards I was pretty smart but all I did was compare myself to the smarter kids in class or to my siblings. I often felt like I didn’t belong with the “smart kids”.
Now.. in this moment I know that God is trying to show me something wonderful in having me find these report cards…the day after attending a Christian Women's group where I journaled about not wanting to define my worth by what I do, or how much I make or how many people want my health advice.
I think God is telling me that the only Ss and Os that really matter are the ones that come from Him.
So how am I doing with His assignments? How well am I loving? How fully am I following? How closely am I abiding?
I wonder what kind of encouraging but truthful comments He would write if He had to give me a report card.
I'm half afraid but also really want to know!

When was your last parent/teacher conference with your creator?
I think I'm due for one!

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